It’s been two weeks since Steve “Fumbles” McNair “fumbled” away his starting job to Kyle Boller. Much to the satisfaction of the fans, who have enjoyed the exploits of young Kyle.
Though McNair has been pushed to the side, I had time to sit down with the forgotten quarterback in an open interview.
Me: Well hello Mr. McNair, let’s jump right into the questioning with no dilly-dallying. My first question is: are you happy with your performances this year on the Ravens?
Steve McNair: Of course I’m not. We’re not the same team we were last year. Our offense isn’t clicking and we just can’t seem to get the necessary points. The turnover column holds the grim news for us.
Me: Yea, well on the subject of turnovers. You fumbled twice against the Bengals, and continued to lead the league in fumbles. Is there any reason why you look like half a fucking retard when the football’s in your hand?
Steve McNair: Oh man, it’s hard to say, I just have had a very bad grip on the ball. I wish I had a good answer.
Me: How do you hold onto your wiener when you’re pissing, you shit head?
Steve McNair: It’s actually a funny story. I don’t hold my wiener, I just let is spin around like a fucking oscillating fan. It’s a good metaphor for how shitty a quarterback I am.
Me: The fans booed you every time you came out on the field because they wanted Boller. Wouldn’t it be just as productive to just fucking snap the football into thin air?
Steve McNair: Oh, most definitely.
Me: A few weeks ago you set the record for least yards for a quarterback who had 13 or more completions. Ever consider killing yourself?
Steve McNair: That’s not cool. [both laugh]
Me: [still laughing] Oh McNair, well thanks for your time, you pussy.
Steve McNair: Anytime, you want an autograph?
Me: Fuck no.
Super awesome, I'm gonna go stick my dick in the toaster now.
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