Western Conference Second Half Preview

I love NBA basketball. I can't decide if it's because of my awesome athletic ability, my love of hip-hop music, or my innate skill to speak the NBA language, but any way you slice and dice it, I'm a natural baller. There's no disputing that. Particularly when it comes to bounce passes. My bounce passes are really good. I've also mastered the Rick Barry free throw.

But from Rick to Brent we go, and Brent's team, the defending NBA champion San Antonio Spurs, find themselves in an unfamiliar situation - 5th place in the Western Conference. For the last, oh, ten years, NBA supremacy has flowed through the West like water through the Mississippi River or corruption through the Republican Party. It's been a decade of Los Angeles and San Antonio gloriously succeeding, and Dallas, Sacramento, Phoenix among others egregiously failing. But that could change.

Ha. Who am I kidding. I wouldn't bet against the Spurs in the playoffs. Ever. It'd be as stupid as betting against Tom Brady...I mean Roger Federer...perhaps we're on to something.

1. New Orleans Hornets (36-15)
If a team is really good, but they play in a half-deserted, impoverished shadow of a once lively city, do they matter? The Hornets are like the NHL's Buffalo Sabres, except people actually care about the hockey team.

2. Phoenix Suns (37-16)
Hooray for big fat man in the Steve Nash offense. In other news, Barack Obama selected Tom Delay as his running mate because he felt the antithesis of his entire campaign wasn't adequately represented.

3. Los Angeles Lakers (35-17)
How ironic would it be if the Suns twice defeat Kobe with the Nash-Marion core, yet lose as soon as they acquire Shaq? I'm sure Kobe would be mature about it.

4. Utah Jazz (34-19)
I love the NBA. Utah's a middling team until a one-dimensional white shooter arrives from Philadelphia, and suddenly they're impossible to stop. KYLE KORVER FORVER. (or threeever, perhaps)

5. San Antonio Spurs (34-17)
I learned today that Brent Barry once won the Slam Dunk Contest. Oddly enough, it was the same year Brady Anderson hit 50 home runs. Oh, 1996 and athletes doing things they had no business doing.

6. Dallas Mavericks (35-18)
I'm glad the Mavericks didn't lose 8 of their last 10 playoff games with this roster. Otherwise I'd be worried they didn't trade for Jason Kidd.

7. Golden State Warriors (32-20)
I've run out of witty comments. Of all Western teams, the Warriors probably have the least upside, although that means nothing, since it's the stupidest term since sliced bread. I prefer my bread cut, thank you.

8. Houston Rockets (32-20)
They have the best Chinese player in basketball. That's a bit like having the best black player in the NHL. They still aren't making the second round, again.

9. Denver Nuggets (32-20)
I hate this team. Actually no, that's incorrect. I have nothing against the Denver Nuggets basketball team, but such a creature ceased to exist after the Allen Iverson trade. Hooray 10 for 30 shooting nights...times two.

10. Portland Trail Blazers (28-24)
I love this team, however. Undermanned but with a raucous home crowd behind them, the Blazers are blazing their way to a playoff berth. Well, they would be if they played in the East. So it goes.

13-15. Memphis Grizzlies (14-38), Seattle Super Sonics (13-38), Minnesota Timberwolves (10-41)
So this is how ten teams have records solidly above .500. I get it now.

Conference Finals Prediction?
Utah Jazz over Los Angeles Lakers. It'll be the year of the "Teams That Forgot To Change Names When They Moved."